Mom, where are you
Again late picking me up after school
An hour standing feeling awkward, looking down, always down
Never dare speak to these other kids
These other kids never dare speak to me
Pushing their precious reps over the cliff
Why can’t I be pretty
.
The last remnant of popular picked up now by their rides home
Alone, sinking down coming to rest on the asphalt parking lot, my backpack between me and red brick wall of the gymnasium
Feeling alone
Then welcoming this vacancy of the popular, like the comfort of my room
My safe room
Tired of looking down all the time, I dare look up now
Why can’t I be pretty
.
In class, I’m okay – no one is talking, at least after the bell rings
The bell rings, I exhale
In the hall between classes at my locker, it’s always the worst
No one ever sees me
No matter what I do to my hair
Or a new pair of high-top sneakers, orange
No one ever notices
Why can’t I be pretty
.
Shifting my position sitting on the pavement; down, I’m always looking down
Mom, where are you
Then a confident, yet somehow easy voice says, “Aren’t you Shayla?”
Looking up, OMG, it’s him
Girls follow this one around like he’s the Pied Piper, forever dreaming
He’s perfectly Disney, his hair is now perfectly waving slightly in the breeze. But, of course it is, he’s freaking perfect!
I’m trying to say, “Yes”
Now even that single word won’t come out
.
OMG, OMG, OMG
He’s sliding down the wall right next to me with his backpack between him and the red brick wall of the gymnasium
I’m freaking out, not breathing a muscle
He starts talking to me
OMG
5 minutes later, his mom whisks him away, all my air moving away with him
Left sitting, wondering, dreaming, glowing; but, mostly just shaking
But, in the narrow moment it was like we’ve been friends since forever, so comfortable, just talking
The next day I know after 4th period he walks past my locker
.
OMG, It’s here, it’s the end of 4the period and I’m trying to climb into this stupid locker
OMG
He’s coming down the hall with 5 other guys
Yes, they are all perfectly cute.
OMG
Instantly looking down, stay down, telling myself. Down, down, down; always looking down
He won’t notice me
No one notices me
Then looking up
Whoooo . . . he’s passed
My tornado inside still screaming “this one’s both the hell and the high water”
Safety now, his back slowly moving away, joking with his friends
Exhaling, it’s safe now
OMG
What’s he doing
OMG
He’s turning
OMG
He’s walking back this way
OMG
He stands like ice for a moment dead in front of me
Then I feel his lips moist, softly on my cheek
OMG
This fool just kissed me and the whole school was watching
omg, i’m pretty